At core, a good boyfriend is someone who tends to his partner’s well-being with the same reliability and dedication he gives to himself. He is thoughtfully attuned to his partner’s needs and feelings, and he is sensitive to the ways his actions affect them.
With that broad definition in mind, here are a few big and small ways to be a better boyfriend to your person every day. (The truth, of course, is that all of these apply to partners of all genders; they’re all great habits to adopt for anyone who’s in a relationship and wants to make their significant other feel loved.)
Make sure they know how you feel.
Your partner shouldn’t have to wonder about how you feel about them and whether you’re still interested. Day in and day out, make it abundantly clear how into them you are and how much you care. Say it directly to them and remind them, often. For most people, words of affirmation never get old.
Define the relationship clearly.
Ambiguity makes for a lot of misunderstandings. A relationship that isn’t clearly defined is a breeding ground for insecurities, unmet expectations, and hurt feelings. If you see yourself as this person’s boyfriend, tell them that upfront and let them know how you’re viewing your relationship. Stop trying to play it cool—be willing to be vulnerable and make your intentions known.
Text back promptly.
Texting speed might not seem like a big deal to some, but many people glean a lot about how important they are to someone based on how quickly that person texts them back. You don’t need to be glued to your phone or feel guilty about missing a text for a few hours, but don’t leave your partner waiting around to hear from you for an extended period of time. Treat them like a priority, and text them back promptly, consistently, so they know you care.
Be engaged when you’re together.
A good boyfriend is engaged and present when you’re together. Put your phone away, and give your partner your undivided attention. Make them feel like you are fully in the moment with them and happy to be there. Pay attention to your body language, make eye contact, and notice if you find yourself checking out or disengaging. Pull yourself back in, or communicate with your partner if there’s a reason why you’re struggling to be present with them right now.
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Ask about their day.
Strive to know them as well as their mom or best friend does. Seriously, what is going on in your partner’s world these days? How’s work? What’s occupying their mind lately? How are they dealing with life’s stresses? What problems can you help them solve? Be their confidant. These types of daily conversations are what build true connection, intimacy, and trust over time.
Actually listen when they talk.
This one probably seems obvious, but it needs to be said: Listen to them when they’re talking to you. If your girlfriend comes home and starts venting about the drama going on with the mean girl at the gym, don’t tune her out. What matters to your partner should matter to you. As well, during any discussion with your partner and especially during conflicts, try to really comprehend what your partner is trying to communicate to you. Some people have a habit of trying to prepare their response in their head while the other person talks rather than actually listening. Turn off your brain when your partner is talking, and just focus on trying to actually understand their point or their feelings.
Stop trying to win arguments.
Spoiler alert: If your goal is to “win” an argument, you’ve already lost sight of the bigger picture. Your goal in every single conflict should be for both people to walk away feeling understood, cared about, and armed with a plan to minimize any hurt feelings going forward. Stop trying to defend yourself from getting blamed, stop trying to prove why you’re right, and start trying to create true understanding between yourselves.
Learn to empathize even when you disagree.
Couples don’t need to agree about everything. If your girlfriend comes to you with a complaint that makes absolutely no sense to you, you should not proceed to try to prove to her why her complaint makes no sense. You are different people; you don’t need to see things the same way. Instead, make it your goal to get in her shoes and understand why she sees things the way that she does. Even if you would not feel the same way if the roles were reversed, familiarize yourself with her train of thought and why it’s producing the feelings it’s producing. Once you can understand the root cause of someone’s emotions, you can then figure out how to make changes to your behavior to avoid hurting them going forward—as their boyfriend, that is the ultimate goal.
Be affectionate in your day-to-day life.
Kiss them on the forehead. Swoop in and hug them from behind while they’re cooking. Send them a text that lets them know you’re thinking about them even when you’re not together. Be romantic so they feel loved and desired.
Be affectionate even when you’re around others.
Most people behave a little differently depending on who they’re with, and in particular, people can sometimes behave differently when they’re in public or with a group of friends than they do when they’re one-on-one with their partner. But if your boyfriend is highly affectionate with you at home but more distant when you’re with others, that discrepancy can feel a little like rejection—or like he’s trying to downplay the relationship to other people. So, be affectionate with your partner no matter who’s around so they know your love isn’t limited to behind closed doors.
