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7 Tips for Building Healthy Family Relationships

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7 Tips for Building Healthy Family Relationships – Do you feel like your family relationships aren’t as strong as they could be? The family unit is one of the most important parts of society. From your earliest years, your family relationships laid the foundation for your personality development, health, education, and career advancement – they molded you into who you are today. 

However, as people grow and move to other parts of the world or as children grow and start attending school and parents work for long hours each day, and grandparents are upcountry, it can be difficult to maintain healthy family relationships.

The good news is that there are many things you can do to improve your family relationships, whether with your parents, siblings, or children. No matter how large or small your family is, the tips in this article can help you get started on the right foot.

What is a Family?

A family is a group of people who are related by blood, marriage, or adoption. 

Families come in all shapes and sizes, and no one definition fits everyone.

Some families are large, with many members living together in one place. Other families are small, with only a few members sharing an address. 

Families can be made up of parents, children, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and even pets!

Every family is unique, and that’s what makes them so special. Each one has its own strengths and weaknesses, but together they make up the biggest force in our lives. We owe it to our families to give them the love and support they need to thrive.

Tips for Building Healthy Family Relationships

Building healthy family relationships is key to living a happy and fulfilling life. Here are some tips for building strong relationships with your loved ones:

1. Communicate

Communication is a key ingredient in building healthy family relationships, as it can help build trust and understanding. 

When family members can communicate effectively with one another, their relationship tends to be stronger.

One way communication can help build healthier family relationships is by reducing conflict. When members voice their concerns and disagreements constructively, they tend to resolve issues more quickly. 

Additionally, open communication allows family members to share their feelings without feeling judged or criticized. This allows everyone involved to feel heard and valued.

Families that have strong communication skills also tend to resolve conflicts more effectively. They are able to identify compromises and solutions that everyone can agree on. 

This helps prevent tensions from escalating out of control and damaging the overall relationship.

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Communication can also be beneficial when developing trust within the family unit. When families share confidences candidly, they develop a sense of trustworthiness towards each other. This promotes a sense of cooperation and teamwork within the home.

2. Spend time together

Spending time together can help foster a sense of closeness and communication, which can be key to maintaining positive relationships. There are many ways to spend time with your family, so find the activities that work best for you and your loved ones. 

Here are some ideas:

  • Play a game together. Take turns picking a card and telling a story based on the contents of the card. Or play charades or Guess Who?
  • Watch a movie together. Swap stories after finishing the film, or debate whose favorite scene was (or wasn’t).
  • Go for a walk or run together. If exercise is important to you and your loved ones, finding ways to spend time outdoors together can be a great way to get moving and have fun at the same time!
  • Cook dinner together. Set the table, mix ingredients, and let each person take turns cooking while discussing what they’re cooking, talking about their day, or just enjoying each other’s company.

3. Appreciate each other’s differences

Different people have different strengths and weaknesses, which can often be challenging to balance in a relationship. 

It’s important not to try to force someone into being someone they’re not or try to change them to fit into our idealized version of what you think a good family member should be.

 Instead, we should encourage our loved ones to use their special gifts and personalities in ways that benefit everyone involved.

4. Respect each other

Respecting one another is the cornerstone of a healthy family relationship. This means listening to each other and not taking things personally, even when disagreements arise. It also means communicating honestly and respectfully.

For example, instead of speaking over or down to your partner, try to pause and really hear what they are saying. This will help you understand their perspective better and may lead to productive discussion.

When families respect one another, it can create a sense of harmony and stability that is crucial for a happy and healthy home. Furthermore, showing respect for each other can help children learn to do the same. When parents model good behavior, children are more likely to emulate it.

5. Set boundaries

Boundaries set expectations for behavior and communicate what is and is not acceptable in the relationship. 

This can help protect both people in the relationship from feeling overwhelmed or unfairly judged and manage conflicts without turning into power struggles.

One thing, though, don’t change your mind once you’ve set a boundary; stick to it even if it feels like a hardship at first. Breaking a boundary often results in resentment down the line, so make sure you don’t put yourself in that position by being consistent from the beginning.

6. Apologize when wrong

When you make a mistake, it is important to apologize to your loved ones as soon as possible to repair any damage that you may have done.

Also, ensure that your apology is genuine. Do not sugarcoat your words to make things seem less bad for yourself or the other person involved. 

Make it clear that you are sorry and take any steps necessary to rectify the situation. This will put your partner at ease and show them that you are serious about correcting this mistake as quickly as possible.

7. Learn to forgive

Forgiving someone can be difficult, but it is one of the most important things you can do for your relationship. Here are four ways that forgiving can benefit your family:

  • It allows you to let go of the past and move on
  • It creates space in the relationship for new and healthier communication
  • It reduces resentment and builds trust between family members
  • It creates a foundation for future positive relationships

Healthy Relationships

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Healthy Relationships – Connecting with someone romantically, emotionally, and physically can be really amazing. But there’s a lot of work that goes into building a good relationship.

What are some tips for having a great relationship?

No relationship is perfect all the time. But in a healthy relationship, both people feel good about the relationship most of the time. A great relationship takes more than attraction — it takes work, and both of you have to be willing to put in the effort. Here are some tips for building a healthy relationship:

  • Love yourself. Being comfortable with who you are means you’ll be a happier partner.
  • Communicate. Talk to your partner about your feelings. Ask questions and listen to their answers. If you’re upset, say so — don’t make your partner try to figure out what’s up. Talking through problems builds trust and makes your relationship stronger. And it’s not all about how to deal with your problems — don’t forget to let them know when something they do makes you happy.
  • Be honest. Be truthful with each other about what you do, think, and feel. Honesty creates trust. Few things harm a relationship more than lies.
  • Give each other some space. Couple’s time is great, but spending ALL your time together isn’t. It’s healthy to have your own friends and interests outside of the relationship.
  • Agree to disagree. You’re not always going to see eye to eye, and that’s OK. The important thing is to respect each other’s opinions and ideas.
  • Forgive and ask for forgiveness. Everybody makes mistakes. Be willing to apologize for yours — and accept your partner’s apologies.
  • Support each other. When your partner does something great, tell them! Your partner should do the same for you.
  • Talk about sex…openly and honestly. Telling your partner what feels good and what you like and don’t like helps you have better sex. Never pressure your partner into doing something they don’t want to do, or let your partner pressure you — consent is a must.
  • Take care of your sexual health. Talk to your partner about how you’re going to protect each other against STDs and unintended pregnancy. Practice safer sex and get tested for STDs.

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Healthy Relationships

How do I know if my relationship is healthy?

It’s good to check in with yourself from time to time to see how you’re feeling about your relationship. The questions below focus on romantic and sexual relationships, but they can apply to other kinds of relationships, too. After you’ve asked yourself these questions, it could be helpful to answer them again from your partner’s perspective.

  • Does your partner listen to and respect your ideas?
  • Does your partner give you space to spend time with your friends and family?
  • Do you have fun spending time together?
  • Do you feel comfortable telling your partner when something they do upsets you?
  • Do you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings?
  • Can you tell your partner what you like sexually?
  • Does your partner make an effort to get along with your friends and family?
  • Is your partner proud of your accomplishments and successes?
  • Does your partner respect your differences?
  • Can you talk to your partner about birth control and/or safer sex?

Relationships can be complicated, but if you answered “yes” to all of these questions, there’s a good chance you’re in a healthy relationship. If you answered “no” to two or more questions, you might be in an unhealthy relationship.

How can I make my relationship better?

Keeping your relationship in great shape definitely takes work. Talk to your partner about things that you think could be better. Be clear about what’s bothering you, and be respectful. Good communication is a big part of solving problems. If you have trouble working through things on your own, you might consider getting help from someone outside your relationship. Sometimes talking with a counselor or therapist can help couples work through issues and improve their relationships.

5 Surprising Ways to Make Your Relationship Better

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5 Surprising Ways to Make Your Relationship Better – Whether you’ve been dating someone a while, currently live with a partner, or are part of a long-married couple, you might be seeking ways to better the relationship you have.

Unlike holiday love stories and romantic comedies in which all is resolved after one or two conflicts, maintaining thriving relationships takes some effort. But it doesn’t have to be difficult.

With the daily grind of responsibilities and frayed nerves, it’s understandable why dealing with partner issues falls to the bottom of your list. Just keeping up with all of life’s responsibilities—work, kids, family, friends, neighbors, your home—is taxing, and many of us are plain tired. Especially during difficult times, it’s easier to avoid facing your stalling relationship or eroded intimacy issues.

There are a few tried-and-true methods that work to improve relationships: be a good listener, carve out time together, enjoy a quality sex life, and divvy up those pesky chores. While these have been proven effective by relationship experts, you can also branch out to these seven unexpected ways to bond and enhance your relationship.

Spend Time Apart   

It sounds counterintuitive as a way to improve your relationship, but take a break from your partner. Everyone needs their own space and quality time outside a relationship. Dating and marriage counselors remind us that you deserve that breathing room.

Esther Perel, MA, LMFT, is a therapist and author who has two popular podcast series. In her book, “Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence,” she stresses how important space is in relationships.

Individuals need time on their own for personal growth and to maintain independence within the confines of a relationship. While individuals flourish, the relationship itself benefits. In fact, it’s key to successful marriages.

Whether that means reading alone or taking a walking in the park, do it. Or maybe you want to attend a workout with a friend.

The outcome is your partner’s bothersome habits will trigger you less. You’ll find yourself feeling refreshed and being more patient. Your special partner has time to miss you, too.

Other boons: you’ll bring more to the relationship itself. Stepping away regularly prevents your time together from growing stale. Instead, it allows for curiosity, more interesting conversations, and growth. In effect, taking time apart will enliven the relationship dynamic.

Go to Sleep at the Same Time

Perhaps you’ve already read that most American adults are not getting the seven to eight hours per night of healthy sleep they need. But did you know that going to bed at different times negatively impacts you and your partner?

For a healthier relationship, head to bed at the same time. There are night owls and early birds who live on different schedules, and then there are those who work in bed while the other is watching Netflix in another room. Whatever the situation, synchronize your bedtimes.

According to Chris Brantner, a certified sleep science coach, 75% of couples don’t go to bed together, which has negative effects. Those with mismatched sleep patterns report more conflict, less conversation, and have less sex than those who go to bed together.

This doesn’t give you the go-ahead to dive under the covers and scroll through your social media while you’re both in bed.

Be Vulnerable

Sometimes you have to dig deep to be vulnerable. “Couples may find it surprising, but if each one becomes curious about one’s own blind spots, discovers them, and then is courageous enough to share that vulnerability, it can help create deeper intimacy,” advised Meredith Resnick, LCSW, creator of Shamerecovery.com.

Resnick added, “A blind spot doesn’t necessarily mean a fault or a weakness, but rather a deeply held belief about oneself or about how a relationship is supposed to work, or how love is expressed. The belief is so deep, we don’t even realize we have it, hence the term blind spot.”

What is an example of blind spots in relationships? Resnick says, “For example, one partner might discover that their tendency to micromanage people is actually related to their fear of abandonment—controlling the schedule of a loved one as a way to never be alone.

“Sharing this with a partner can be the first step to changing this pattern. This should be a loving process that builds trust, not one that causes shame,” says Resnick.

5 Surprising Ways to Make Your Relationship Better

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Create Novel Experiences

Although eating your favorite pizza every Saturday night and incorporating rituals in your life strengthens relationships, boredom does creep in. Therefore, you should shake things up—pepper your routine with unpredictable date nights and moments of fun.

Continuing with spontaneity many years into a marriage is important, according to relationship expert, professor, and author Terri Orbuch, PhD. Her book, “5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great,” is based on findings of a groundbreaking study she directed that followed 373 married couples for over 20 years. She found many spouses felt like they were in a rut.

If adventurous dates like rock climbing or learning a new language are out of the question now, can you buy a trampoline or do something unexpected? Maybe you can find other ways to bring excitement to your relationship.

Psychologists say to focus on novelty, variety, and surprise. Research shows that after weeks of interesting dates, participants rekindled their love, and the couples felt closer

Surprise With Little Things

Small gestures keep the spark alive and remind your partner you are thinking about them. Happy couples are kind to each other. Giving or volunteering to help out is a plus. In fact, acts of kindness are powerful, and those that are unplanned tend to fuel overall well-being.

Honor your partner’s love language. For example, they hug you because they value physical touch. You’d be even happier if they cleaned up the living room or spent more time away from their desk, because you value acts of service and quality time together. In relationships, learn how you can show your partner your love in a way that your partner values.

Developed by Gary Chapman, PhD, an author and counselor, the Five Love Languages are:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Physical touch
  • Acts of service
  • Receiving gifts

Fight Better

While nobody wants to argue with someone they love, disagreements are, in fact, healthy. It’s how you fight, and if you fight fairly and constructively, that matters.

John Gottman, PhD, who spent forty years as a researcher and clinician studying over 3,000 couples, sheds light on how to develop a more loving style of disagreeing. The worst thing you can do is roll your eyes or show contempt. So, what works?

Soften the Start-Up

The emphasis is on your tone and intention. Speak softly and gently. Politeness goes a long way. What’s key is to speak without blame. Avoid a defensive or critical remark which can cause a conflict to escalate.

Edit What You Say

Don’t blurt out every negative thought, especially when you discuss touchy topics. Remember that you love the other and maintain respect.

Offer Repair Attempts

A repair attempt is a statement or action meant to diffuse an argument.3 This could be using humor, touching the other person, or offering an empathetic or caring remark like, “This must be difficult for you to talk about.”

You could also find common ground, like saying, “Well, we have different approaches, but we both want the same thing.” Or offer signs of appreciation throughout difficult conversations.

In his book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” Gottman calls repair attempts a secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples. His research shows “the success or failure of a couple’s repair attempts is one of the primary factors in whether [a] marriage is likely to flourish or flounder.”

Focus on the Positives

Healthy and happy marriages offer a rich climate of positivity. For every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five or more positive interactions.

So, try to offer five times as many positive statements in your discussions, including your arguments and disagreements. For example, a happy couple will say, “Well, we do laugh a lot” instead of “We never have any fun.”

Share a Loving Story

While it might surprise you, reminiscing can help enhance your relationship. Conversations that start with “Remember when” and trek down memory lane—about your first date, your first home, and funny memories—lead both of you back to good feelings. Your partner will be reminded of why they fell in love with you in the first place.

Another way to repair and improve your relationship is to show appreciation for certain traits your partner possesses. Always add anecdotes to demonstrate these amazing traits.

Because high stress levels can lead to disconnection, we tend to focus on negative stories and what your partner is not doing. If you’re feeling unappreciated, appreciate others. Retrain your attention on connection and positive stories.

These surprising but impactful techniques above can help you improve your relationship. Interestingly enough, research shows it’s not personality or compatibility that keeps couples together. Instead, it’s how a couple interacts—how they speak to each other, how they get along with each other—and if they focus on building a relationship together that creates successful relationships.

10 Different Types Of Relationships And How To Know Which You’re In

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10 Different Types Of Relationships And How To Know Which You’re In – There are many different types of relationships. No two relationships look the same, but sometimes, labels and categories can help us understand better.

Your connection with your partner is probably not the same as anyone else’s. However, it can be useful to understand the dynamics between you and why your boundaries are the way that they are.

Just as there are different types of couples, there are many different types of relationships between humans.

Basic Types of Relationships

There are four basic types of relationships:

Family relationships
Friendships
Acquaintanceships
Romantic relationships
Then there are also several sub-categories within those main four, including professional/work relationships, teacher/student relationships, community or group relationships, place- or location-based relationships (neighbors, roommates, and landlord/tenant relationships), enemies/rivals, and relationships with self.

The type of romantic relationship you are in depends on many things — the people in it, your experiences so far, your characteristics, etc.

This list of 11 different types of romantic relationships can help you understand more about which kind you’re in.

Independent Relationships

Being independent is not bad for you. However, being in a serious relationship requires compromise and sacrifice. Independence is not the quality that you are looking to show off.

Sure, you and your partner need to be independent up to a certain level that allows you both to function without each other, but total independence in the relationship is never a good sign.

Codependent Relationships

In a codependent relationship, you and your partner can’t seem to function without each other. As mentioned before, independence is a quality that everyone should possess.

Not being able to stay away from your partner can cause problems in the other areas of your life, like your social life and your relationships with your friends and family.

There are many forms codependent relationships can take, but the primary factor that distinguishes a healthy interdependent relationship, in which two people can rely upon each other without sacrificing themselves, from a toxic codependent relationship is the degree of balance between partners when it comes to needing and supporting or giving and taking.

It should be noted that there is a marked lack of agreement as to what constitutes a codependent relationship[1], so determining whether or not any given relationship is or is not truly codependent remains is highly subjective.

Dominant/Submissive Relationships
A relationship where you control your partner or they control you is only a good thing in the context of consensual BDSM style relationships.

Outside of the bedroom, this type of dynamic may indicate a lack of independence, understanding, and trust, but not necessarily.

Open Relationships

Open relationships, sometimes referred to a consensually non-monogamous relationships, are those in which one or both partners are “allowed” to be romantically and/or sexually involved with other people outside of the relationship.

There are many consenting adults in open relationships, and studies have found there can be significant benefits, including increased satisfaction in couples with issues related to sexual Incompatibilities[2].

The key is to have the consent of both partners and to remain transparent with one another about potential jealousies.

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10 Different Types Of Relationships And How To Know Which You’re In

Changing Relationships

Couples in changing relationships may adjust to each other by changing their routines, interests, style, hobbies, and even friends. In simple words, they change themselves for their partner.

No two people on Earth are the same, which means all relationships require compromise and acceptance. It should not be necessary to change your entire personality just for another person to stay with you.

Toxic Relationships
There is no one definition of what makes a relationship toxic, but generally, while not necessarily abusive, a relationship that makes you feel worse more than it makes you feel better[Scott, E. What Is a Toxic Relationship? Verywellmind. July 2, 2020 may be considered potential harmful to your well-being.

Determining whether or not you are in a toxic relationship is very much about how you feel about yourself within that relationship.

Do you feel controlled? Do you feel valued and heard? Are you being abused, either emotionally or physically?

Casual Relationships
A casual, “just for now” relationship consists of two people who are not looking for anything serious.

They may be looking for a fun temporary partner, possibly while healing from the end of a long-term relationship, or they may just be at a point in their lives where they don’t want to have to focus on the needs or wants of another person in a romantic context.

Best Friends Relationships
These are relationships in which both partners are comfortable talking and connecting, but there is a lack of intimacy.

Sex is an important part intimate relationships, and a relationship without it may suffer unless the lack is something that can be genuinely accepted and tolerated by both partners or an understanding is reached that one partner is free to find satisfaction in that area with others.

Sexual Relationships

Sexual relationships consists of two people who are looking for sexual satisfaction and nothing deeper.

While there is typically little or no place for deeper connection within these relationships, there are many people who start out in a sexual relationship, find themselves attached to one another, and are then able to create a meaningful bond.

Long Distance Relationships

Long distance relationships are those in which partners live a significant enough distance from one another that they cannot be together physically without expense, planning, or inconvenience.

While it was once considered common knowledge that most long distance relationships were doomed to fail due to the inherent lack of consistency and inability to communicate regularly, recent studies show a far rosier picture.

One 2014 study[3] found that couples in long-distance relationships “are not at a disadvantage,” and another from 2012[4] found that people in long-distance relationships report “higher levels of relationship quality on a number of relationship quality variables, as well as higher levels of dedication to their relationships and lower levels of feeling trapped.”

Healthy Relationships

While no relationship is picture-perfect at all times, healthy relationships are based on understanding, trust, and true love. These relationships consist of two people who support one another with mutual love and respect.

As opposed to toxic relationships, healthy relationships are those that are mutually beneficial and provide value added to each person’s life.

Scientific research has found that there are a vast number of benefits to reaped by people in healthy relationships, including an increased lifespan[5], lower levels of stress[6], greater pain tolerance[7], and improved immunity[8].

Before entering a relationship of any type, it’s important that you first get to know yourself and your potential partner.

Being in a relationship isn’t always easy, and not everyone is as ready as they seem to be or think they are.

Building and maintaining healthy relationships

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Building and maintaining healthy relationships – Healthy relationships with your partner and family members can enhance your life and make everyone feel good about themselves. They don’t just happen though; healthy relationships take time to build and need work to keep them healthy. The more positive effort you put into a relationship, the healthier it should be.

What are the signs of a healthy relationship?

People in healthy relationships love and support each other. They help each other practically as well as emotionally. They are there for each other in the good times and the bad times.

Healthy relationships are commonly based on:

  • respect
  • trust
  • open communication
  • equality
  • both shared and individual interests
  • understanding
  • honesty
  • care
  • emotional support
  • shared values around finances, child raising and other important matters

What are the benefits of healthy relationships?

People who have healthy relationships are more likely to feel happier and satisfied with their lives. They are less likely to have physical and mental health problems.

Healthy relationships can:

  • increase your sense of worth and belonging and help you feel less alone
  • give you confidence
  • support you to try out new things and learn more about yourself

Communication in a healthy relationship

People who are in a healthy relationship talk to each other regularly and listen to each other too.

Misunderstandings can happen, and that can lead to people being upset, hurt or confused.

It is best to be clear about what you want to say. Making a real effort to understand what the other person is saying also helps. Double checking that you have understood correctly can avoid misunderstandings.

Just because you love each other doesn’t mean you will be able to communicate well or know what the other is thinking.

To encourage more open communication in your relationship:

  • set aside time to speak to each other, without interruptions
  • put yourself in the other person’s shoes
  • don’t rely on the other person to guess what is going on, or how you are feeling
  • listen to each other, and make sure the other person knows you are listening to them
  • let the other person finish what they are saying
  • talk about things honestly and respectfully
  • try not to be too defensive
  • stay calm and try not to attack

Communication is not just talking; non-verbal communication — your posture, tone of voice, facial expressions — can tell the other person how you feel. Non-verbal communication can even undermine what you’re saying if your behaviour doesn’t match your words.

How can I maintain healthy relationships?

Building healthy relationships with partners, friends and family is good for you. It improves your mood, your mental health and your wellbeing.

Maintaining them is important. It takes time and commitment. No relationship is perfect, but it is important that it brings you more happiness than stress. Here are some tips for a healthy relationship.

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Building and maintaining healthy relationships

Be clear about what you want

Assertive communication helps make your point more clearly than passive or aggressive communication. It means you make your point clearly and honestly, while respecting the other person’s point of view.

Try using ‘I’ statements instead of accusatory ‘you’ statements. For example, say “I really hate it when you don’t clean up the dishes” rather than “You never help me in the kitchen”.

Say sorry when you’re wrong

This is really important as it helps heal relationship breakdowns that inevitably occur.

Be affectionate and show appreciation

Relationships can become routine after a while. Make special time together and continue to show your affection. Even just snuggling on the couch after work helps show intimacy.

Make the relationship a priority

It can be hard to balance relationships, work, family and friends. You can help establish a work-life balance by setting limits at work and learning to say no – this will ensure you make time for your relationship.

Develop shared interests

Finding hobbies you both enjoy allows you to spend time together. This could be as simple as doing a night class together or taking up a new sport.

Work on feeling good about yourself

Feeling good about yourself allows you to give the best to your relationships. Taking time to do what you enjoy can help.

Healthy friendships maintain your happiness and self-esteem, so it is important that you stay in touch with your friends when you are in a relationship.

One of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship is when you quit activities you used to enjoy because of your partner.

Find solutions that work for both of you

Conflict is a part of any relationship. It is essential that you both respect and accept your differences and similarities. Finding solutions that work for both of you will probably require compromise at different times.

Make plans for the future

By making plans for the future together, you both show you are in the relationship for the long term.

Family time

Finding time together as a family can be difficult, but there are many benefits to regularly sharing family meals. Even one family meal a week gives everyone a chance to catch up, connect and communicate with each other.

Having relationship issues?

It is normal to have ups and downs in a relationship. It is also normal to have different opinions. Relationships, and people, change over time.

Your relationship is not healthy if one person has more power than another, or if that person is abusive or violent.

When a relationship ends

The end of a relationship can be a very painful time. It may take 2 or 3 years for people whose long-term relationship has ended to recover and to put their lives together again. Some people develop serious health and emotional problems during this time.

Resources and support

If you would like to talk to someone, here are some organisations that can help:

  • Lifeline (anyone having a personal crisis) — call 13 11 14 or chat online.
  • MensLine Australia (online counselling and forum for men) — call 1300 78 99 78.
  • Relationships Australia provides support groups and relationship counselling, including for people in an abusive relationship – call 1300 364 277.

Good News: Relationship Anxiety Is Normal

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By Wendy Rose Gould

Good News: Relationship Anxiety Is Normal – Whether you’re in a long-term committed relationship or fresh off a swiping session on Tinder, relationship anxiety can — and likely will — pop up at some point.

Whether it stems from lack of trust, fear of abandonment, questioning your compatibility or worrying about non-reciprocated feelings, most people experience some form of unease about the future of their partnership. The real issue arises when natural worry evolves into debilitating stress or results in self-sabotage that negatively affects your relationship.

Accepting that some anxiety is completely normal is the first step to keeping it at a manageable level.

When you begin to feel it spiral out of control — and have ripple affects that begin to hurt your relationship and your own mental health — here’s what you need to know about identifying the source and getting it under control.

Signs Your Relationship Anxiety Has Reached an Unhealthy Level

“It is important to note that everyone has some relationship anxiety, and that’s to be expected,” reiterated Dr. Amanda Zayde, a clinical psychologist at the Montefiore Medical Center. “However, if you find yourself hypervigilant for clues that something is wrong, or if you experience frequent distress that impacts your daily life, please, take some time to address it. Everyone deserves to feel secure and connected in their relationships.”

Some clear signs that you’re toeing the line — or have sprinted beyond it — include “consistent emotional instability, impaired judgement, impaired impulse control, difficulty focusing and paying attention to daily tasks, feeling lovesick and sad, and a decrease in motivation, loneliness and fatigue,” says Dr. Danielle Forshee, a psychologist who specializes in relational and marital issues.

This ongoing state of mind is not only mentally exhausting and detrimental to your own wellbeing, but can ultimately lead to relationship disintegration.

“Relationship anxiety can cause people to engage in behaviors that end up pushing their partner away,” says Dr. Zayde. “For example, calling 20 times in a row, jumping to conclusions or becoming emotionally distant. It can also cause a tremendous amount of distress and distraction, as people spend hours trying to decode their partner’s behavior.”

Dr. Forshee adds, “They may obsess over their lover’s social media accounts, incessantly Google them or have their friends assist in doing some investigating. They may falsely accuse their new lover of things that they have no evidence for, or become overly clingy, all to satisfy the craving for attachment and euphoria.”

While these behaviors may result in a decrease in panic or anxiety for the moment via mini neurochemicals bursts, says Forshee, they’re only a short-term distraction. For long-term easement, you must do some deep, inner digging and then proactively work toward minimizing the anxiety. And this process starts with identifying the real reason behind why the anxiety is occurring in the first place.

Childhood: The Root Cause of Relationship Anxiety

“Oftentimes, relationship anxiety stems from attachment patterns that develop in early childhood,” says Zayde. “A child will develop a prototype of what to expect from others based upon their early caregiving experiences.”

She says that, depending on the accuracy and consistency of the caregiver’s response, a child will learn to either express or suppress his or her emotional and physical needs. This coping mechanism may work at the time, but it can morph into maladaptive behaviors when applied to adult, romantic relationships.

A common example of maladaptive behavior is what psychologists refer to as an enmeshed relationship, or a situation in which a parent is overly involved in a child’s life, as stated in Greenberg, Cicchetti and Cummings’ book, Attachment in the Preschool Years. This can lead to “reciprocally intrusive, controlling behavior,” and “much insecurity and distress on the part of both over real or threatened separation.”

On the flip side, for those who feel easily suffocated in a relationship, they may have had childhood experiences that caused them to become avoidant of relationships and bonding. For example, a child with an inattentive parent may learn to suppress their innate proclivity toward bonding in order to prevent heartache and feelings of rejection. As an adult, that child may have a difficult time committing to, or being vulnerable in, a relationship.

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Good News: Relationship Anxiety Is Normal

If this rings true to your experience, it may be worth digging deeper into attachment theory, which has greatly impacted the way modern psychologists and relationship experts think about relationships. You can even take a quiz to identify which type of attachment style you, and your partner, have.

Your Ex May Be to Blame for Your Anxiety

In addition to your childhood, past relationships can also play a role in the way you behave in relationships.

“If you are experiencing the type of relationship anxiety where you fear being cheated on, or have lack of trust in your new admirer, this may result from previous relationship experiences that have been encoded in your brain. Our brain never forgets,” said Forshee. “Basically, your brain circuitry has become used to associating certain traits, smells, sounds and feelings with a previous lover and relationship experiences. Your brain has laid down a powerful pattern from previously learned experiences, and your brain retains traces of that circuitry, even after you’ve fallen for someone new.”

Finally, when you enter a new relationship, your body produces large amounts of powerful chemicals such as oxytocin, dopamine, cortisol and vasopressin. When combined, these “love chemicals,” facilitate bonding and commitment. While they make us feel highly passionate, they can also make us emotionally unstable, angsty and downright obsessed with new partners. When we’re around our partners — especially when hugging, kissing or having sex — this hormone production goes into overdrive.

“When we are away from our new love, are fearing rejection, or have been rejected, it can make it feel like we’re going through addiction withdrawal,” explained Forshee, which can result in unhealthy obsession and anxiety.

How to Overcome Relationship Anxiety

Pinpointing the root causes of your relationship anxiety is perhaps the easy part. While overcoming your anxiety may be slow-going and difficult, it can be done if you’re deliberately mindful, fully dedicated to improvement and are kind to yourself as you navigate the path ahead.

“Take some time to better understand how your early experiences have shaped your attachment style, and stay aware of ways in which you might be repeating early experiences with your current partner,” advises Zayde. “Pay attention to how often you are jumping to conclusions, and whether or not you have sufficient evidence to support your fears; oftentimes, our fears are based on past experiences, not our current relationship.”

When stressful thoughts begin to take hold, follow these expert suggestions for staying in control and helping ease anxiety:

  • Exercise. To help curb anxiety in the moment, Forshee recommends hitting the gym. Numerous studies have demonstrated that exercising increases serotonin production and release. Isolating yourself and becoming physically stagnant are the two worst things you can do, so get moving.
  • Positive self-talk. “Engage in positive-self talk rather than negative self-talk, and have a friend help remind you of better times and what the positive things are in your life now,” says Forshee. “This act assists in increasing serotonin production in the anterior cingulate cortex, a part of your brain right behind the frontal areas responsible for attention, judgement and impulse control.”
  • Take a step back. Forshee stresses the importance of not acting on your emotional impulses when feeling anxious. She says your brain won’t allow you to make good decisions in the heat of the moment, and you’ll most likely regret your actions shortly thereafter.
  • Find ways to relax. “If you are unable to elicit help from your support system or cannot get yourself moving, engaging in a relaxation technique such as diaphragmatic breathing may be beneficial. This will help in physiological de-escalation so you can think clearer and feel less worked up,” Forshee notes.
  • Get help. “Finally, if you find that your relationship anxiety has taken over in a manner where you feel it is out of your control — or has wreaked havoc in your life — seeking professional counseling is likely to be beneficial.”

Overcoming relationship anxiety ultimately boils down to having control over your emotions and your mental process. There’s a direct correlation between your health — and the success of your relationships — and the depth of understanding you have about yourself, your behaviors and your feelings. Take steps to identify sources of anxiety and re-route the spiral it incites today, and you may just be able to map out a new pattern for your brain to follow next time around

Learning How to Cope With Relationship Anxiety

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Learning How to Cope With Relationship Anxiety – Relationship anxiety refers to feelings of doubt, insecurity, nonstop worry, and a need for constant reassurance that sometimes occurs during a relationship. Such anxiety may have roots in early childhood attachments and is often a sign of an insecure attachment style.

Picture this: it’s the start of what could be a perfect relationship. The conversation is fantastic, communication is loud and clear both ways, and everything seems set for a happily ever after—except for one or two doubts you can’t seem to shake off.

‘What do they even see in me?’, ‘Will they get bored?’ ‘How long until this one falls apart?’ In some cases, these questions linger on even after ‘I love yous’ have been exchanged in the relationship.

If you’ve ever found yourself asking these questions, there is a chance that you may be familiar with relationship anxiety.

When a person starts to feel anxious about life with a current or prospective partner, it’s an understandable worry—this is a big part of their lives. However, in certain cases, this worry becomes so crippling, it can prevent the relationship from flourishing, or even taking off, to begin with.

We’ll be examining the causes of relationship anxiety, what to look out for, and the appropriate ways to navigate this feeling.

Causes of Relationship Anxiety
When worries start to creep in and become a familiar feature of a budding or current relationship, you might be dealing with relationship anxiety. Let’s take a look at some common causes.

An Anxious Attachment Style
When you find that you are constantly questioning the security of your relationship or the depth of feelings your partner has for you, this can sometimes be traced back to the relationship you shared with your parents or other caregivers when growing up.

In cases where their parents or guardians consistently show a child love and affection, this can form a secure attachment style to these relationships.

However, where the child is shown love and care on some occasions, but cruelty and abandonment on others, they may form an anxious attachment with the people they love and trust.

This can cause the child to cling to these beloved figures for attention. The child may also require the constant assurance of their love—traits that may appear in later years within romantic relationships.

People with anxious attachment styles often question their worth and are typically on guard, watching for the first signs that their partners may be losing interest in them. In addition, this attachment places them in a state of worry over losing their significant others.1

Negative Past Experiences
Imagine a scenario where you get stung by a bee. Hearing a buzzing anytime after that may produce a certain amount of fear that causes you to be wary of getting stung again. The same can sometimes occur with relationships.

If a person has experienced a relationship where their self-worth, value, attractiveness, etc., was called into question, this can trigger anxiety that partnering with another person will produce the same effects.

If this happens, a previously hurt person may remain on edge, constantly questioning the stability of the relationship and the feelings involved in it.

Low Self-Esteem
Living with a poor estimation of your self-worth and value can strongly affect your quality of life.2

In cases where a person struggles with low self-esteem, this can raise constant doubt about the authenticity of a partner’s feelings for them or whether they are deserving of their partner’s love. It may also encourage assumptions of unfaithfulness and other questions that can put the future of the relationship in jeopardy.

Poor Communication
In some cases, experiencing worry about your partner’s affection or the future of your relationship may be tied to the fact that honest conversations about shared feelings, the state of the relationship, or plans together are lacking with your partner.

Failing to speak on these matters can leave a vacuum in the relationship, encouraging feelings of anxiety.

Signs of Relationship Anxiety
Here are some signs that anxiety may be manifesting itself in your relationship:

Wondering if your partner truly has feelings for you
Looking for constant reassurance from your partner
Aiming to please your significant other at any cost, sometimes to your detriment
Acting controlling towards your partner’s movements or interactions
Consistently wanting to be around your partner and being clingy in most situations
Holding doubts about romantic compatibility
Over-analyzing simple words and actions for signs of trouble
Constantly feeling like your partner intends to call off the relationship
Spending more time worrying about the relationship than enjoying it

In other cases, relationship anxiety may take the form of deliberately sabotaging things with your partner. This can be seen where slight issues are blown out of proportion or where traps are laid for your partner to test fidelity.

Read More :  Salvabrani.com

Learning How to Cope With Relationship Anxiety

It may also appear in instances where you purposely stay aloof and guarded with your partner, all to steel yourself against hurt and pre-empt difficulties.

Effects of Relationship Anxiety
Before placing a magnifying glass on the way you act within your relationship, it’s important to note that not every demonstration of worry is a sign of relationship anxiety.

In fact, taking stock of what is working, changes in communication, and feelings shared within the relationship is healthy and encouraged. However, when the energy you expend in keeping tabs on your partner and their attitude within the relationship constantly leaves you feeling on edge, that could be problematic.

Constantly worrying about the relationship can also affect the quality of love and intimacy you enjoy. In some cases, experiencing persistent feelings of anxiety within the relationship can produce the most feared result—an end to the union.

If you realize that you frequently experience relationship anxiety, this can negatively affect your well-being and the chances of experiencing a future with your partner.

However, you should know that there are steps you can take to improve the quality of your life and your relationship to avoid the harmful effects of anxiety.

Ways to Overcome Relationship Anxiety
Fortunately, if you’re having relationship anxiety, there are ways to help cope with—or even stop—those feelings. Here are a few options to consider.

Communicate Your Feelings
To get ahead of anxiety, it’s important to have honest conversations with your partner about your worries, expectations, or dreams for the future.

Share doubts you may have and talk through challenges. This will always beat making up scenarios where only the worst outcomes are imagined.

By speaking clearly with your partner, uncertainties that can encourage anxiety are avoided, leaving room for a healthy appreciation of the relationship.

Enjoy the Present
When you catch your mind starting to wonder about the fate of your relationship in years to come, it is always advisable to nip that in the bud and enjoy the present moment.

Considering whether or not your partner will even be in your life in five years, or if they’ll still find you desirable in months to come, only takes away from cherishing your current joy. Instead, it saddles you with worry over future events that may not even occur.

To manage your anxieties, treasure your current reality, and savor the happiness of being with a person you have chosen and who has also chosen to be with you at the moment.

Confront Your Anxiety
It may sound counterproductive to embrace your anxieties while attempting to get over them, but this is one of the most effective ways to get your emotions under control.

Are you anxious because of a past failed relationship? Perhaps you worry about not being good enough for love because you struggle with how you view yourself.

Questioning the reasons for your anxiety in relationships can help you recognize these issues and tackle them clearly.

Attend Therapy
In certain situations, getting professional help to manage your anxiety may be the best option for getting it under control.

Through therapy, you can receive the proper guidance to change negative and dysfunctional thoughts about yourself, your self-worth, and your attitude towards your partner.

Therapy can also teach appropriate methods to manage your anxiety to prevent lasting damage to the relationship.

A Word From Verywell
When you care very deeply about something, it’s understandable to worry about it from time to time—relationships are no different.

However, while concerns about your partner and their feelings towards you are valid, this can quickly become unhealthy and injurious to your personal health. This is especially seen where you constantly obsess about who your partner is speaking with, whether the relationship will stand the test of time, and other signs of relationship anxiety.

Thankfully, there are ways to get anxiety in a relationship under control, and one of the most potent forms is simply communicating worries, challenges, hopes, etc., truthfully with your partner.

You may also bravely face the reasons you experience relationship fears. However, if additional help is required to get things under control, therapy can help change negative thinking and ideas of self-worth.

How to Handle Relationship Anxiety

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How to Handle Relationship Anxiety – Relationship anxiety refers to those feelings of worry, insecurity, and doubt that can pop up in a relationship, even if everything is going relatively well.

You’re in a relationship with a great person who you love. You’ve developed trust, established boundaries, and learned each other’s communication styles.

At the same time, you might find yourself constantly questioning yourself, your partner, and the relationship.

Will things last? How do you know if this person is really the right one for you? What if they’re hiding some dark secret?

What if you’re just incapable of maintaining a healthy, committed relationship?

This constant worrying has a name: relationship anxiety.

Is it normal?
Yep. “Relationship anxiety is extremely common,” says Astrid Robertson, a psychotherapist who helps couples with relationship issues.

Some people experience relationship anxiety during the start of a relationship, before they know their partner has an equal interest in them. Or, they might be unsure if they even want a relationship.

But these feelings can also come up in committed, long-term relationships.

Over time, relationship anxiety can lead to:

emotional distress
lack of motivation
fatigue or emotional exhaustion
stomach upset and other physical concerns
Your anxiety may not result from anything in the relationship itself. But it can eventually lead to behaviors that do create issues and distress for you and your partner.

What are some signs of relationship anxiety?
Relationship anxiety can show up in different ways.

Most people feel a little insecure about their relationship at some point, especially in the early stages of dating and forming a commitment. This isn’t unusual, so you generally don’t need to feel concerned about passing doubts or fears, especially if they don’t affect you too much.

But these anxious thoughts sometimes grow and creep into your daily life.

Here’s a look at some potential signs of relationship anxiety:

Wondering if you matter to your partner
“The most common expression of relationship anxiety relates to underlying questions of ‘Do I matter?’ or ‘Are you there for me?’” Robertson explains. “This speaks to a fundamental need to connect, belong, and feel secure in a partnership.”

For example, you might worry that:

your partner wouldn’t miss you much if you weren’t around
they might not offer help or support if anything serious came up
they just want to be with you because of what you can do for them
Doubting your partner’s feelings for you
You’ve exchanged I love you’s (or maybe just I really, really like you’s). They always seem happy to see you and make kind gestures, like bringing you lunch or walking out of their way to see you home.

But you still can’t shake the nagging doubt: “They don’t really love me.”

Maybe they’re slow to respond to physical affection. Or they don’t reply to texts for several hours — even a day. When they suddenly seem a little distant, you wonder if their feelings have changed.

Everyone feels this way from time to time, but these worries can become a fixation if you have relationship anxiety.

Worrying they want to break up
A good relationship can make you feel loved, secure, and happy. It’s perfectly normal to want to hold on to these feelings and hope nothing happens to disrupt the relationship.

But these thoughts can sometimes transform into a persistent fear of your partner leaving you.

This anxiety can become problematic when you adjust your behavior in order to secure their continued affection.

For example, you might:

avoid bringing up issues, such as frequent lateness, that are important to you in a relationship
ignore when your partner does things that bother you, such as wearing shoes inside your house
worry a lot about them getting mad at you, even if they don’t seem angry
Doubting long-term compatibility
Relationship anxiety can make you question whether you and your partner are truly compatible, even when things are going great in the relationship. You might also question whether you’re actually happy or if you just think you are.

In response, you might start focusing your attention on minor differences — they love punk music but you’re more of a folk-rock person — and overemphasize their importance.

You may not do these things intentionally, but the underlying goal — whether you realize it or not — is usually to determine how much your partner cares.

You might believe, for example, that resisting your efforts to push them away proves they really do love you.

But, Robertson points out, it’s very hard for your partner to pick up on this underlying motive.

Reading into their words and actions
A tendency to overthink your partner’s words and actions can also suggest relationship anxiety.

Maybe they don’t like to hold hands. Or, when you take the plunge and move in together, they insist on keeping all their old furniture.

Sure, these could all be signs of a potential issue. But it’s more likely that they have sweaty hands or just really love that living room set.

Missing out on the good times
Still not sure if you’re dealing with relationship anxiety?

Take a step back and ask yourself: “Am I spending more time worrying about this relationship than enjoying it?”

During rough patches, this might be the case. But if you feel this way more often than not, you’re probably dealing with some relationship anxiety.

What causes it?
Identifying what’s behind your anxiety can take time and dedicated self-exploration, since there isn’t a single clear cause. You might even have a hard time identifying potential causes on your own.

“You may not be aware of a reason for the anxiety,” Robertson says. “But no matter how it presents, the underlying reasons generally reflect a longing for connection.”

These are some common factors that might play a role:

Previous relationship experiences
Memories of things that happened in the past can continue to affect you, even if you think you’ve mostly gotten over them.

You might be more likely to experience relationship anxiety if a past partner:

cheated on you
dumped you unexpectedly
lied about their feelings for you
misled you about the nature of your relationship
It’s not unusual to have difficulty placing trust in someone again after you’ve been hurt — even if your current partner doesn’t show any signs of manipulation or dishonesty.

Certain triggers, whether you’re aware of them or not, can still remind you of the past and provoke doubt and insecurity.

Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem can sometimes contribute to relationship insecurity and anxiety.

Some older research suggests people with lower self-esteem are more likely to doubt their partner’s feelings when experiencing self-doubt. This can happen as a type of projection.

People with higher levels of self-esteem, on the other hand, tended to affirm themselves through their relationship when they experienced self-doubt.

Attachment style
The attachment style you develop in childhood can have a big impact on our relationships as an adult.

If your parent or caregiver responded quickly to your needs and offered love and support, you probably developed a secure attachment style.

If they didn’t meet your needs consistently or let you develop independently, your attachment style might be less secure.

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How to Handle Relationship Anxiety

Insecure attachment styles can contribute to relationship anxiety in various ways:

Avoidant attachment could lead to anxiety about the level of commitment you’re making or deepening intimacy.
Anxious attachment, on the other hand, can sometimes result in fears about your partner leaving you unexpectedly.
Keep in mind that having an insecure attachment style doesn’t mean you’re doomed to always experience relationship anxiety.

“Just as you can’t change from one kind of personality to another, you can’t completely change your attachment style,” says Jason Wheeler, PhD. “But you can certainly make enough changes that an insecure attachment style doesn’t hold you back in life.”

A tendency to question

A questioning nature can also factor into relationship anxiety.

You might need to ask yourself about all possible outcomes of a situation before deciding on a path. Or maybe you just have a habit of carefully considering every decision.

If you tend to ask yourself a lot of questions about your choices, even after you’ve made them, you’ll likely spend some time questioning your relationship, too. This isn’t always a problem. In fact, it’s usually healthy to take time to think about choices you make, especially significant ones (like romantic commitment).

It could become an issue, though, if you find yourself stuck in an endless pattern of questioning and self-doubt that doesn’t go anywhere productive.

Can you overcome it?
It might not feel like it in the moment, but relationship anxiety can be overcome, though it does take some time and effort. And doing so usually involves more than simply being told that your relationship is fine.

“I can tell someone their anxiety doesn’t necessarily mean there’s an underlying problem in the relationship, and indeed they may be well loved,” Robertson says. “But until they have felt [a] sense that all is well, that they truly are safe and secure, the anxiety will likely persist.”

She encourages addressing relationship anxiety early, before it becomes a problem.

These tips can help you get the ball rolling:

Maintain your identity
As you and your partner become closer, you might find key parts of your identity, individuality, or even your independence shifting to make room for your partner and the relationship.

This often happens naturally as you and your partner become a couple. And while some changes — such as getting used to sleeping with the window open — may not have a big impact on your sense of self, others might.

Losing your sense of self in the relationship or changing to accommodate what you think your partner wants doesn’t help either of you.

Try being more mindful

Mindfulness practices involve focusing your awareness on what’s happening in the present moment without judgement. When negative thoughts come up, you acknowledge them and let them move on.

This can be particularly useful when you’re stuck in a negative thought spiral. It can also help you to prioritize your day-to-day experiences with your partner.

After all, maybe the relationship will end in a few months or a few years, but you can still appreciate and enjoy it in the meantime.

Practice good communication
Relationship anxiety often comes from within, so it may have nothing to do with your partner.

But if something specific is fueling your anxiety — whether it’s playing with their phone when you talk or not wanting to visit your family for the holidays — try bringing it up in a respective and non-accusatory way.

Even if you know your partner truly does love you and that your anxiety is coming from within, it can help to loop your partner in.

You can explain what you’re thinking and how you’re trying to deal with it. Their reassurance may not fully alleviate your anxiety, but it likely won’t hurt.

Plus, opening up and being vulnerable can strengthen the bond you already have.

Avoid acting on your feelings
Feeling anxious about your relationship or your partner can sometimes make you want proof that everything is all right.

It’s natural to want to reassure yourself, but resist the impulse to find this proof in unhelpful or harmful ways.

Pay attention to the difference between your usual behaviors and impulsive actions. Texting regularly might be normal in your relationship, and keeping up a steady conversation can help reinforce your sense of connection. But sending several texts in an hour asking your partner where they are and what they’re doing, when you know they’re hanging out with friends, can lead to conflict.

When you feel these impulses, try to distract yourself with some deep breathing, a walk or jog, or a quick phone call to a close friend.

Talk to a therapist
If you’re having a hard time working through relationship anxiety on your own, talking to a therapist can help you get some clarity. It’s also a great way to learn how to cope with the effects of relationship anxiety.

For relationship anxiety, a therapist who works with couples can be particularly helpful.

They can help you both:

understand your own and each other’s feelings and underlying needs
hear each other’s experiences without judgment or defensiveness
show you care in ways that will soften or calm the anxiety
It doesn’t have to be a long-term thing, either. One 2017 studyTrusted Source suggests that even a single session of therapy can help couples dealing with relationship anxiety.

Concerned about the cost? Our guide to affordable therapy can help.

Frequently asked questions
What is relationship anxiety?
Relationship anxiety can take on many forms, such as doubting your partner’s feelings for you and fearing they will end the relationship. You might also doubt your long-term compatibility or be anxious that they might only be out for what you can do for them.

What are signs of relationship anxiety?
You may worry excessively about the relationship, which can be emotionally draining and lead to physical symptoms, such as an upset stomach. You might feel unmotivated about the relationship or find yourself engaging in sabotage, for instance, through picking fights.

How did I get relationship anxiety?
Relationship anxiety can stem from past experience, for example previous relationships that have left you badly hurt. It may also be more likely if you have low self-esteem or an attachment disorder that makes it hard for you to be intimate with someone.

How do I overcome relationship anxiety?
Tips for managing relationship anxiety include taking steps to maintain your own identity, practicing good communication with your partner, and stopping to think before you speak or act. If it’s still a problem, a therapist may be able to help.

The bottom line
No relationship is certain, and that can be tough to accept.

You may not be able to entirely avoid all relationship anxiety, but there are things you can do to quiet the constant questioning and spend more time actually enjoying what you have with your partner.

Is Your Relationship Making You Anxious? An Expert Breaks Down Why—And Shows You How To Fix It

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Is Your Relationship Making You Anxious? An Expert Breaks Down Why—And Shows You How To Fix It – In long-term relationships, anxiety is more likely to pop up because of a personal experience. “If [one] person is facing their own insecurities and facing self-esteem issues, they [might] project that on their partner,” Sommerfeldt says. Take abandonment issues, for example. One partner might have dealt with absent parents growing up, which has manifested into a fear that their partner will break up with them. Oftentimes, how you treat your partner stems from the example set by loved ones during childhood, says Sommerfeldt. Attachment styles are formed during youth and teach you what to expect from those who love you. If your example of love and how you deserve to be loved is insecure during childhood, then how you expect to be loved as an adult will typically mirror that. When you’re anxious in romance, it’s usually because you didn’t receive stable or consistent affection growing up which manifested into worry that the people who claim to love you will withdraw their affection. What does relationship anxiety look like, exactly? It can manifest in a number of ways. Find the most common below: 1. Overthinking Ahhh—the famous “O” word. Do you find yourself thinking about the worst-case scenario all the time? Wondering things like, “Does my partner love me as much as I do?” is a clear sign of overthinking and looking way too much into your partner’s words and body language. Overthinking the security of your relationship can cause you to act out or even feel jealous of your partner’s relationships with other people. 2. Doubt

No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, anxiety can creep in at any point in the relationship. But don’t worry. Feeling unsure about your relationship is a totally normal thing (usually).

Everyone experiences anxiety during certain points in their dating lives, say experts. And how it impacts your relationship varies, too.

Sometimes, the anxiety is brief. For others, it comes in waves. And in other cases, it sticks around. Even if you find yourself in that last camp, it doesn’t necessarily mean a breakup is around the corner.

But, it is important to deal with it. Letting the anxiety fester can break down the relationship or even drive you to the point of sabotaging it, says Shelley Sommerfeldt, PhD, clinical psychologist and relationship coach.

Anxiety is often rooted in things that happened to you while you were growing up. “There are different ways in which [people] attach [to the people they love] in childhood, such as to [their] parental figures,” says Sommerfeldt. And though you’ve grown up, how you relate to and trust other people (i.e. romantic partners) is still shaped by those experiences.

If your household was an unstable one, for example, you might have grown up feeling unsure in your relationships, worried your partner will abandon, reject or hurt you, says Sommerfeldt.

But childhood fears aren’t the only reason you might be feeling unsettled. Even in long-term romantic relationships, Sommerfeld explains, anxiety can stem from your personal life and then spill into your partnership. Take low self-esteem, for instance, or job insecurity, or fear of being first-time parents. Those emotions can have a ripple effect on your experiences with your partner.

Even though relationship anxiety looks different for everyone, that doesn’t mean there aren’t common factors that contribute to this feeling. Ahead, discover the root causes of relationship anxiety and how to cope with it.

What is relationship anxiety, anyway?

“It’s when someone experiences doubts, worries, and second-guesses their relationship or partner,” says Sommerfeldt. You might catch yourself stewing over whether your partner is still in love with you, whether they’ll find someone they love more than you, or insecure about whether they still find you attractive.

And even when your partner reassures you, you might still have a hard time believing them. Doubting your partner can ultimately lead to your sabotaging the relationship: You might pressure them to reassure you about their faithfulness, pick fights, or test them by, say, mentioning how attractive the server at dinner was, to see how they’ll react.

When and why does it happen?

At the start of a relationship, you might suffer from anxiety about whether you even want to commit to someone, whether you’re a good match, or wonder what your loved ones will think of them. This is all standard and healthy, says Sommerfeldt.

And throughout the relationship, regularly checking in with yourself about the person you’re partnered with is all good, too, she adds.

However, things get trickier “if anxiety [is] hindering the relationship or impacting [your] mental or emotional health, and impacting [your] partner. That’s when it gets problematic,” she adds. There’s more reason for concern when the anxiety leads to doubt and stress.

Read More : Salvabrani.com

Is Your Relationship Making You Anxious? An Expert Breaks Down Why—And Shows You How To Fix It

What does relationship anxiety look like, exactly?

It can manifest in a number of ways. Find the most common below:

1. Overthinking

Ahhh—the famous “O” word. Do you find yourself thinking about the worst-case scenario all the time? Wondering things like, “Does my partner love me as much as I do?” is a clear sign of overthinking and looking way too much into your partner’s words and body language. Overthinking the security of your relationship can cause you to act out or even feel jealous of your partner’s relationships with other people.

2. Doubt

Doubting is a classic symptom of anxiety and it can quickly put a strain on your relationship, says Sommerfeldt.

Doubt may lead to your checking up on your partner more than you have normally would have, snooping through their things, and distrusting them even when they haven’t given you a reason to do so. Once your partner catches on to your suspicion, they’ll likely grow resentful or frustrated at having to prove themselves again and again.

3. A Need For Validation

Anxiety comes about when someone “constantly needs their partner to validate their love,” says Sommerfeldt, and that’s a heavy burden to put on someone else. Constantly seeking reassurance from your partner is a sign of feeling insecure with yourself or with your partner.

4. Withdrawal

Not everyone is expressive about their anxiety, however. “People can shut down due to fear and that kills a relationship,” she says. Shutting down is not only unhealthy, but it gives mixed signals to your partner because not communicating your feelings forces them to draw conclusions on their own.

5. Worry

Anxiety often looks like worrying about the health of your relationship. That worry can grow into harmful stress as you imagine all the ways your relationship can fall apart, says Sommerfeldt, that keep you from being present.

6. Insecurity

In anxious relationships, one partner might project their insecurities onto their partner even if that insecurity isn’t a direct result of the relationship. So, if you think negatively about yourself, you’re likely to think your partner will too even if that’s not the case.

7. Loss Of Identity

“People lose their identity because they hang out [so often] with their significant other and they blend into one person,” says Sommerfeldt. “This usually happens in earlier stages of the relationship.” To keep your partner interested, you’ll mirror their thoughts and actions. And rather than maintaining your own self-worth, you’ll rely on them to bolster it for you.

Thing is, if you’re the type to feel anxious in a relationship, once you’ve melded with your partner, you’ll have a harder time pinpointing the anxiety. It’ll be harder to determine from which partner the anxiety is coming and how it started.

Losing yourself can cause stress and confusion in your relationship, says Sommerfeldt.

What is relationship anxiety?

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What is relationship anxiety? – Relationship anxiety is when a person experiences persistent doubt, fear, or worry in a relationship. They may need constant reassurance or ignore their own needs and wishes to please a partner.

Doctors call this relationship anxiety, or relationship-based anxiety.

This article will explore the signs and causes of relationship anxiety, as well as some treatment and management options for couples.

What is it?

Relationship anxiety involves feelings of intense worry about a romantic or friendly relationship. Although health professionals are aware of this type of anxiety, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) does not include it.

Unlike other forms of anxiety, such as generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder, doctors do not have specific guidelines to diagnose or treat relationship anxiety.

Relationship anxiety encompasses some features of social anxiety disorder. More specifically, both conditions can cause a person to experience significant discomfort about rejection.

Although many people may worry about acceptance and reciprocal feelings in a relationship, anxiety tends to develop when a person experiences excessive fear or worry.

For example, anxiety can lead a person to worry about the future of a relationship. People with relationship anxiety may end their relationships out of fear, or they may endure the relationship but with great anxiety.

The effects of this anxiety may hinder a person’s ability to function in the relationship.

Signs and symptoms

Researchers describe three common symptomsTrusted Source of relationship anxiety:

  • excessive reassurance-seeking
  • self-silencing
  • partner accommodation

The sections below will discuss each of these in more detail.

Excessive reassurance-seeking

Excessive reassurance-seeking is also common in social anxiety disorder and depression.

Some researchers suggest that excessive reassurance-seeking is related to interpersonal dependency. Interpersonal dependency refers to a person’s reliance on others for constant evaluation and acceptance.

People who exhibit excessive reassurance-seeking behavior may fear receiving a poor evaluation or not being accepted.

Self-silencing

Self-silencing is another symptom shared across many mental health conditions. One study published in the Journal of Experimental and Social PsychologyTrusted Source showed that women who are sensitive to rejection may be likely to engage in self-silencing to please their partner.

People who self-silence may not express their tastes, opinions, or feelings to their partner — especially when these thoughts are different to those of their partner.

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What is relationship anxiety?

People tend to engage in self-silencing behavior to appear similar to those whose acceptance they seek, and in an attempt to prevent rejection.

Over time, a person may silence themselves and make sacrifices to preserve the relationship. However, this has the potential to lower relationship satisfaction.

Partner accommodation

Partner accommodation is a response from the other partner toward the anxious partner. This is a common effectTrusted Source observed in relationships where one or more people have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.

Treatment and management

Some experts suggest couples therapy, such as couples-based psychoeducational sessions, to help treat and manage relationship anxiety.

In a study published in the journal Family ProcessTrusted Source, researchers tested the effectiveness of a single psychoeducational session. The session focused on addressing the patterns of behavior associated with relationship anxiety, including self-silencing, partner accommodation, and excessive reassurance-seeking.

The researchers found that after one session, partners with relationship anxiety had decreased levels of reassurance-seeking and self-silencing. The non-anxious partner also demonstrated lower levels of accommodation for the partner with anxiety.

Different typesTrusted Source of couples therapy include:

  • behavioral couples therapy
  • cognitive behavioral conjoint therapy
  • cognitive existential couples therapy
  • psychodynamic psychotherapy

Since relationship anxiety shares similar symptoms with other anxiety disorders, some doctors may suggest working only with the partner with anxiety.

Others might recommend treatments that are effective for anxiety disorder, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy, and mindfulness.

Some studies have demonstrated a wide range of results following individual CBT. Researchers suggest that this response range may be associated with the level of hostility and criticism observed during some couple interactions before treatment.

Doctors may still ask the non-anxious partner to be part of the treatment plan. The role of the partner is typically co-therapist.

Some people may require medication. Drugs for anxiety include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors and selective noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors.

Doctors do not yet have guidelines for treating relationship anxiety. Further investigations into this type of anxiety are necessary to better diagnose and treat it.

Summary

Relationship anxiety is a form of anxiety that health professionals may find challenging to diagnose and treat. However, many of the symptoms reported by people with relationship anxiety are common in other forms of anxiety.

Symptoms of relationship anxiety may include self-silencing and excessive reassurance-seeking. People with relationship anxiety may also crave acceptance from their partner and fear rejection. These symptoms can negatively impact the relationship over time.

Couples therapy and psychoeducation are different strategies that doctors may offer to people with relationship anxiety. In severe situations, some doctors may need to prescribe medication.